I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
