I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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