Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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