it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
