New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
