just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
