when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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