New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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