So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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