I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
