this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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