Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's the barista slut.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
