I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
