kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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