My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
