perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
