listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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