I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
