its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We got so high we made milksteak
It's just like the Real World with babies
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
