okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize