someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
