At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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