I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
