The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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