Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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