I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
