That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
