You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
