My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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