He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
