They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
