love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
