They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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