I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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