Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
