I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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