How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize