Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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