There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
