It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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