how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
