I wish you could order shots online.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
