Kiss
Puke
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
