end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
