I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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