your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
