Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize