i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
