he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
