The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
