Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
