I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
