he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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