Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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