If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
