Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize