The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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