Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
