She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
