They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
