i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
