we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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