apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize