This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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