Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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