i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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