dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
