Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
