It's Friday. Sex?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
