Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
