dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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